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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27455863">Dead End</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FizzyCustard/pseuds/FizzyCustard'>FizzyCustard</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bullying, Depression, Eventual Romance, F/M, Feelings, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:55:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,695</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27455863</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FizzyCustard/pseuds/FizzyCustard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You are not like everyone else in Erebor, being human. You have been bullied by the ladies in the kitchen, and this leads you to depression and considering taking your own life. Thorin finds you one night, ready to jump.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Thorin Oakenshield &amp; Original Female Character(s), Thorin Oakenshield/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>84</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dead End</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This piece has been tagged accordingly, but I will stipulate again that it has suicidal thoughts in it and iots of angst. So if that bothers you at all, please don't read.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Since you had come to Erebor and been formally welcomed by Thorin, you had never felt a part of the people who occupied the mountain. Whispers echoed around the halls as you walked past, going about your daily duties which you had signed up for. Women whispered and nudged each other, their eyes following you around rooms. One woman in particular, the head chef, named Neldra, had made it clear to you that you didn’t belong in Erebor.</p><p>Every day and you held the tears at bay, constantly reminded that you would never belong anywhere. Even in your home world, the place you had been so quickly and violently pulled away from, and others your own age scoffed you. You were unmarried, had no children and enjoyed the solace in travelling to foreign shores. Was there anywhere in this universe that you actually fit?</p><p>It seemed as though no one cared enough about you to stop you leaving. The pain was becoming tighter in your chest and to the point that you wanted to be free of it.</p><p>Each evening and you dashed into the kitchen, grabbed your food and disappeared to your room. The anxiety was balled in your chest and stomach and you shook the closer you got to the kitchen door, knowing that Neldra was behind it. She hated you, despised you, and would no doubt spit on you if she had half the chance.</p><p>***</p><p>Thorin paced his main study, his mind in knots. Not even Dwalin and Balin, his closest friends and advisors could settle this uprising.</p><p>On Thorin’s desk was a piece of parchment, the ink only just dried. It was asking you to accompany him for dinner that evening. He had a question to ask you. A very important question. The answer he both dreaded and anticipated. If your answer was no, could he face that soul crushing rejection?</p><p>To steady himself, Thorin sat down at his desk. Even out on the battlefield, facing possible death, and he had never felt this vulnerable. And he knew that this decision could cause many rifts within the community of the Dwarves of Erebor, who were already suspicious enough as outsiders. But to entertain the idea of one of them being Erebor’s new Queen? Disgusting. Such an inconceivable thought.</p><p>Thorin’s letter was shortly afterward sent to your bed chamber, via one of the hall guards. However, waiting proved painful for the King.</p><p>He sat in the main dinner hall, anticipating your prescence. You never arrived.</p><p>Thorin asked after you. However, he asked one of his trusted guards, not always believing the spiteful comments of the kitchen women.</p><p>“I have not seen her all day, my King,”the guard replied. “She is normally early for duty, but she did not report today. I thought Neldra had informed you. Maybe she is ill.”</p><p>“No, she did not inform me of it,”Thorin growled.</p><p>“Is something wrong?” Neldra asked, stepping out of the kitchen and into the hall, holding a tray of piping hot, fresh food to replace that which had not yet been eaten.</p><p>Thorin narrowed his eyes at Neldra. “I shall see to you later,” Thorin spat.</p><p>The King went to your bed chamber first, knocking. When you didn’t answer, he opened the door. Thorin stepped inside, seeing your bed tidy and all the pillows neatly stacked in place. Something was wrong with this. When Thorin had been to your bed chamber previously, making sure you had settled in, he noticed that your bed was always unmade and your table was full of books from the library. However, your room looked now as if no one occupied it. The only piece of evidence that you had ever resided there was your folded night dress on the end of your bed.</p><p>Thorin picked up your white nightdress and held it to his nose, inhaling your scent. It stirred so many emotions; love, joy, sadness and fear. Had you left him? Of course you hadn’t left <em>him</em>. Thorin was nothing to you. He was a King of Dwarves, not of you. You had your own ruler in your home world. Thorin had merely been the leader of a group of Dwarves whom had found you on the road, and they had protected you along the way. The bottom line was Thorin was nothing to you, despite him always hoping that you held him in your heart somewhere, even if just in friendship.</p><p>***</p><p>There were no tears, just a broken heart. It had been shattered by missing your home world, feeling isolated and being bullied by those that should have accepted you. Your breaths became pants as you looked over the stone balcony, seeing staircases beneath you. It would be quick, hopefully no pain. From such a height you had no chance of survival once you had hit the bottom.</p><p>When had your world changed to become this? A black hole of nothing but pain. Nothing was keeping you holding on to life anymore. You were merely existing and not thriving as you should have been. Everything was taunts, off-handed comments, feeling out of place, sadness, memory…</p><p>More than that and you were holding an incredibly fragile secret at the centre of your heart, and the weight of it, was keeping you awake at night. Every day and it meant you were plodding through life, nothing making sense anymore, not even your secret. You dared tell no one, not even Fili, who had become your best friend. Not even Fili could advocate such a thing as you loving his uncle.</p><p>Slowly and carefully you got up on the balcony, climbing up the cold stone. Your heart was hammering, counting at a faster pace than the tools which you could hear in the distance, assisting in the re-building of the kingdom. For a second you looked around, imagining the wind blowing through your hair. You missed the breeze of nature around you as you had become closed in under the mountain. It was beautiful. Your heart may have always been with nature, clinging to the sight, sound and smell of trees, flowers, streams, but you couldn’t deny that Erebor was magnificent in a whole different way. Nature showed the talent of Middle-earth’s gods; the colours like the palette of a painter. This kingdom showcased the talent of a race of people, mortal. They were not divine. For a split second, you felt awe.</p><p>Then the last few months of your life played. You had woken up in this foreign world, terrified and alone, taken in by a group of travelling Dwarves. They, at least, had made you feel welcome for that short stint of time. At the centre of it all, hiding beneath the surface, you knew that you were different, and always would be. Their customs were not yours.</p><p>Your whole body felt weak and a holt bolt of fright shot through you. You wept, clinging to a stone pillar, your feet only an inch from the edge.</p><p>“What are you doing?” a voice came, stung by shock and terror. “Come down from there.”</p><p>Thorin watched the shudder of your shoulders as you cried, your arms wrapped around your head. “No,” you sobbed. “No one wants me here.”</p><p>“Who has made you think such a thing?” Thorin hissed in frustration, not quite sure how to handle this situation “I came looking for you, wanting you to join me for dinner tonight.”</p><p>You raised your head from your arms, catching sight of him out of the corner of your eye. He was mesmerising, beautiful, strong; a man who constantly haunted your thoughts as you clung to an impossible dream. In the dream you were his wife, his lover, his Queen, mother of his children. Your love was fierce, unbreakable. How stupid to dream.</p><p>“Dinner?” you whispered, your gaze turning towards him. Your eyes focused through the tears and you saw the fright in his face. Was it the fright of potentially losing you? Did the mere thought of being without you scare him? Fear was an emotion you believed that Thorin never felt, but in those seconds, you could recognise it. His eyes were wide, his eyebrows furrowed and his lips just slightly apart. Words were failing him. “Why would you ask me to dinner?”</p><p>Frustration hit Thorin as he listened to your words. Why on earth would he ask you to dinner? “Are my intentions and wishes not obvious enough?” He shifted forwards slowly, and with a trembling hand, reached up. “Come down from there, my dearest.”</p><p>Breath hitched sharp in your throat. There was nothing but sheer sincerity in the King’s eyes. Never had you known a lie to pass his lips. Honesty was an integral part of Thorin, and your trust in him had never faulted. Even in the midst of Dragon Sickness, you had understood that the real Thorin was buried, pulled down and weighed heavily on by a mental state that was not his own.</p><p>Tears began to fill Thorin’s blue eyes. The silver drops fell down his cheeks. “You cannot leave me,” Thorin said, his voice quiet and stricken with grief at the thought.</p><p>Your hands touched and all you could focus on was Thorin. Nothing else seemed to matter anymore as his fingers laced in yours. The warmth radiated through your hand and on instinct, you began to descend from the balcony.</p><p>As your feet hit the stone floor, Thorin pulled you towards him, holding you tight. His shoulders racked whilst he sobbed against you. “Why? Why ever would you consider ending your life?”</p><p>To hear his pain broke you and you wept also, gripping him tight.</p><p>“No one wants me here, Thorin,” you told him, pulling away from your embrace and rubbing your red and swollen eyes.</p><p>“I DO!” Thorin boomed. “I want you to take the place beside me; to rule, to wed, bear our children. That was why I wanted to ask for you to join me tonight for dinner. I wished to…” His voice trailed off. “This should not be about my wishes. You are my concern and I want you to be happy, content and feel loved by all of us.”</p><p>The ache of loving Thorin grew tenfold and you gasped, stepping backwards. You backed into the balcony, jumping as you felt nudge into your lower back.</p><p>Thorin dashed forward on instinct, terrified of you having the urge once more to throw yourself from the balcony. His hands caught your hips and you looked up at him. “People have made me feel like I don’t belong here, and it’s because I’m different. I’m not a Dwarf. It doesn’t matter how I behave, how I dress…I will never be one of you.”</p><p>“What are you saying?” Thorin asked, his voice on the edge of breaking. “You do not wish to stay here?”</p><p>“If it were completely up to me and there would be no consequences, I’d stay with you always. I’d be your wife, and live to love, serve and honour you until the day I die. But it’s not up to me. Your people don’t want someone who isn’t Dwarf ruling as Queen. They need someone like Neldra…”</p><p>Thorin growled as he heard her name. “She is behind a lot of your bad feelings. I am not blind to the behaviours that have been going on around me, but I had no idea that her words had cut you as deep as this, my love. And for that, I should have intervened sooner. After the events of this evening, she will no longer have a place within the kitchens, and will <em>never </em>speak to you in such a manner again. Should she dare, she will be cast out.”</p><p>“She always made me feel different and as though I don’t belong here,” you began, ruminating on the abrupt Dwarf woman’s words. Those words had caused you intense fear and pain, and so often that many mornings you vomited before going for your duties. The thought of her made you begin to shake and Thorin noticed.</p><p>Thorin’s hands were still cupping your hips and slowly he pulled you closer. “You belong with me,” he whispered, your body touching his. He tilted his head whilst his eyes studied you.</p><p>A tear of joy fell down your cheek, hearing Thorin’s words. All the sorrow was temporarily pushed aside for those seconds whilst you shared your first kiss with the King. As your lips met, you felt his tongue begin searching for yours. Your heart was racing, pleasurable shivers shot through you and without evening realising it, you groaned. The dream was coming true.</p><p>“You belong with me,” Thorin whispered again as he drew away and your gazes met. “Believe in that.”</p><p>Rationality seeped in once more and you pulled away from Thorin reluctantly, sighing and hanging your head. “I don’t. I’ll never belong here because I’m not one of you. Your people honour their race, and I can’t be the one to blow that apart. I should leave here and…”</p><p>“Go where? Do what?” Thorin snapped. His blue eyes were wide in anger and frustration. “I have done nothing but treat you well, give you your comfort…” His words trailed off, and he looked down at the stone floor, closing his eyes.</p><p>“That is you. That is the rest of the Company, not the kingdom. The people who have come here from the Blue Mountains and Iron Hills won’t allow me to be Queen.”</p><p>“That is not their decision!” Thorin hissed again. This time he looked at you and you saw tears welling in his eyes. Rejection, fear, anger.</p><p>You sighed again and approached Thorin slowly, reaching out and brushing his arm. “You have to let me go because it’s the best thing for your people. You’re a King, Thorin, and you need to do what’s right by them.”</p><p>“And that means forfeiting my own future and happiness?” Thorin’s voice was on the verge of breaking, but he held onto his strength and composure just a while longer. “You came to us in fear, with nowhere to go, in a foreign place, and we made you a part of our group. We trusted you, have loved you, protected you. Who is to say that when you leave here, you will find others who will also accept you? I do not know how to see you back to your own world, but I want to make this home for you. Even if you do not accept my proposal and we do not wed, my love, you will always have a home here. I cannot see you leave and go into the wild alone. I cannot protect you out there.”</p><p>Suddenly you heard voices echoing in the corridor leading off behind you to your left. Thorin looked around suspiciously, and then gently took your hand in his, guiding you away with no more words spoken.</p><p>Both of you walked in silence, hand in hand, descending two sets of stairwells and walking down a long corridor to the largest bed chamber of all: Thorin’s. He opened the wooden door and released your hand, brushing your back and allowing you to walk inside first. “I shall have food sent to us. Give me a moment,” he told you, and disappeared back down the corridor, in search of a guard.</p><p>You walked into Thorin’s bed chamber and looked around it, seeing the enormous bed with its head against the back wall. It was covered in furs and pillows. Behind the headboard were tapestries and mounted swords and axes. On the right hand side of the room was a large desk, full of pieces of parchment, quills, inks and a single, empty glass. Candles were burning in various places around the room, causing shadows to dance on the stone walls. Beneath your feet was an intricately woven rug. Then you looked to your left, seeing a large leather seat and a small table on which a stack of books stood.</p><p>The man you so dearly loved was opening his heart to you, offering everything he had, but were you prepared to accept that love?</p>
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